There is a Joe Jackson song called “Everything Gives You Cancer.” I think it’s safe to say that if he wrote the song in 2015, it would be called “Everything Causes Global Warming” instead.

According to the Department of Energy, now carving pumpkins is partially responsible for climate change. Really.

The Washington Times reports:

Most of the 1.3 billion pounds of pumpkins produced in the U.S. end up in the trash, says the Energy Department’s website, becoming part of the “more than 254 million tons of municipal solid waste (MSW) produced in the United States every year.”

Municipal solid waste decomposes into methane, “a harmful greenhouse gas that plays a part in climate change, with more than 20 times the warming effect of carbon dioxide,” Energy says.

That’s right! Your pumpkins are to blame for the demise of the planet. Also driving cars, so you’d better quit your job and stay home every day. Also we are going to have to kill all the cows because they emit methane gas.

(♫ ♬ “Because everythingggggg…..causes global warming!” ♫ ♬)

As ridiculous as this latest claim is, I will make a deal with the Department of Energy: I will stop carving a pumpkin once a year when EPA officials stop flying home almost every weekend on the taxpayer dime.

 

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